It came in a flash
impending doom
fear flooding my eyes
and I know I can’t do it.
I cannot face this next
day
The idea of losing
consciousness and succumbing to my
unconscious mind was left
unthought, unthinkable
It was a test of will, I guess
except there is no will
where there is fate
And that’s what it seemed.
Inescapable.
I stumbled into the bathroom
and began the dark night
blood soaked
I wish everything were soaked in blood
A simple matter of destruction
revenge against my body for some
slight
pain
watching myself watch myself
as I graze my body
big, full, healthy drops of blood
well up like tears
along the paths
It’s been a long time
old friend
For once I have no second thoughts
I just want blood
and not to sleep
two simple things
I pull a white t-shirt
over my head and let it
rust
No rest for the wicked
and none for me
Sitting down as the clock spins slowly a
dark night passing slowly
while I read that one book
loaded with other red remembrance
just before day brea
k my mind
sways and so do the words
they drop and so does my mind
but I can’t give in
when that day light begins to creep
in I thank God
whom I don’t believe
I shower and continue the day.
